It Was a Nice Dream
by MegasaurusRex101
Summary: Liv and Brian discuss not being pregnant. Set during Wednesday's Child.


Liv and Brian's reactions to finding out they are not having a baby.

* * *

"You're mad at me for being relieved?" Brian fell into the couch heavily, his head lolling against the back of the couch. He was still in his work clothes and after the long day of work he wanted to cringe at the idea of coming home to fight with Liv. "Babe," he said, looking up at her, where she stood in front of him with her arms folded over her chest, "you were too- I thought," he shook his head, "We're not ready for this."

Olivia nodded her head once, the mask of her thoughts slipping coolly into place. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. "You're right," she gave in, but her clipped tone belied the sentiment, "I know you're right, it's just," she trailed off, shrugging her shoulders as she sat on the arm of the chair opposite him.

"It was nice to think about." His shoulders felt like they had the weight of a thousand years.

"It's a silly-"

"No," Brian interrupted, "it's not silly. It's -" he sat up straighter, "look at first I was excited, I want kids - I want to be a dad, I'd love to have kids with you - but then, I dunno - reality came in." He ran his hand over his face and could hear the rough rub of skin against skin before he gave a deep frustrated sigh. "Because at first it was the idea of you with a pregnant belly and holding a baby that was half me and half you and - I dunno, crayon drawings and spilled yogurt and teaching him to ride a bike and teaching her to throw a left hook."

His head hung low as he sat forward and folded his arms over his knees.

"And then I remembered- everything." He looked her in the eyes and he could tell she was trying not to cry and he hated the way she wouldn't look him in the eye. "Because I'm always undercover and you just got a promotion that's stressing you out and with everything that happened in May- and that's happened since then and . . ." Brian could feel his throat closing and as much as he tried to fight it his voice broke as tears welled up in his eyes. "It's not fair."

The harsh lights of New York were filtering in through their apartment and with her jaw set and her body curled into itself he couldn't remember thinking she had ever looked more beautiful - biting her lip and blinking quickly to keep her emotions at bay and the pain of a hundred years in her eyes. Because she was so strong - and he knew how heavy that strength weighed on her.

"I want to give you that, Liv. I would love to give you a family , to -" he let out a shaky breath, "come home and have dinner and argue over preschools and which pediatrician to use and go on vacations to Disneyland or weekends at the beach," and now the tears were coming and he could do nothing to stop them - and the silence that accompanied his tears seemed to stretch between him and Olivia until it filled the apartment with the burden of dreams he could no longer believe in.

"I love you so much," he whispered harshly when she finally looked back at him, "and it's not fair, but -" he ran a frustrated hand through his hair and now he was the one who couldn't meet her eyes, "It's like you and me - like we're locked out of that dream. Everyone else gets to have the mortgage and the babies and the marriage and the Christmases with in-laws and somehow it's a life that was too expensive for us."

He felt stupid, with tears streaming down his face and his heart on his sleeve and a million thoughts he'd never given voice to before.

Liv's hand reached over the space between them until her hand rested on his. Her hand felt cold and he could feel the bones of her fingers, delicate and wrapped around his own.

"We deserve this Brian."

He couldn't shake the suspicion that dogged him- the constant need to look over his shoulder and guess which house of cards would blow over next. He shook his head, unwilling to believe her, but she held onto him when he tried to pull away.

She stood, her hand still clasped in his and pulled him so that he was standing with her, their bodies close but not touching except for the hands holding each other's.

"I want that, Bri. I want that so bad I can taste it."

He could do nothing but stare back at her, his forehead creased and his tongue tied.

"I want that with you."

He opened his mouth to speak but no words could come out.

"We don't have to decide anything right now. But - but we can think about it." She curled into him then, her body pressing against his as her head nestled into the crook of his shoulder and neck and his arms wrapped around her.

And he almost laughed, because here was Liv - his dream girl, the one that got away - and here she was again, asking him to take a chance on her. Olivia who had always seemed to flout any idea of a lasting love. Standing next to him and asking him to think about it - to think about a forever, with her.

"Okay," his voice was a grumble and sore from emotion but his tears were already drying on his face. "Okay."


End file.
